Dear Maggie —

I am new around here – some might even say I’m in charge! I am the new Principal at SMOS, Patrick Holley. I have slowly been getting settled in and learning the ropes, boy are there a LOT of ropes! Starting a new job always comes with a lot of questions. Luckily, I have gotten most of my questions answered fairly quickly thanks to Ms. Stephens (resident know-it-all) and Ms. Lueke (resident-cat-herder) and many other helpful Dragons. However, the one question that I can’t seem to get a straight answer on is who YOU are!! 

More often than not, I’ll ask a question and either someone will give me an answer or they will mumble under their breath, “I don’t know but I bet Maggie does!”, or “I think Maggie wrote a column about that once!” So, who the heck are you?! I have checked the payroll and there’s no Maggie listed, I’ve talked to Carmela at the parish office and she looked at me like I grew a third arm, and Ms. Stephens keeps saying “Oh she’s around here somewhere!”. This old building has many a nook and cranny, but I haven’t been able to find your office or classroom or wherever it is you do your business; whatever that “business” may be. Strangely, I’ve found myself humming Rockwell’s “Somebody’s Watching Me”. I have a sneaking suspicion that song and the mystery surrounding you are linked! 🤷

— Perplexed Principal 

Dear Perplexed —

First things first – WELCOME TO SMOS! As a matter of fact, I *have* been watching you all summer 😉 and it seems you’ve been hard at work getting ready for the school year! Second, I missed all of the “inquiring minds” terribly and can’t wait to read more of your curiosities this school year!

While you’ve been working, I was off galivanting around the globe visiting my many great-great-great-grandchildren and catching up on all things pop culture. Three cheers for the Barbie movie! It was a delightful summer, thanks for asking!  And yes, that was me hanging out with Pope Francis at the Taylor Swift concert in Chicago.

Anywho, back to your question… who am I? This feels like a loaded question but I think I can give you the abridged version. I am Maggie, the school mascot who houses the soul of St Margaret, whom this school is named after. I suppose I am depicted as a Dragon due to the folklore associated with Scotland, but I’m not exactly sure how that came about. I wasn’t there for that meeting; I would have picked a unicorn or a narwhal, ya know something magical, but it’s too late for that now! 

Many might say that I am a great source of gossip knowledge due to the fact that I’ve been floating around this building since it was built back in 1918. I’m a bit of a celeb around these parts; I’ve heard that I’ve got tens of followers on Instabook! I like to think of myself as a Dear Abby/Gossip Girl/Hoda Kotb type figure – someone who can keep you guys up to date on the latest happenings at school as well as being able to get the inside scoop thanks to my unconventional living* situation. 

If you ever have any questions about something happening at SMOS, an upcoming event or just need clarification about something you heard on the blacktop, you can contact my manager, Michael Sonntag, and I’ll have my people talk to his people. 

Mr. Holley, the next time you’re feeling clueless, come to me and I’ll have you going from Perplexed Principal to Prepared Principal faster than you can say “as if”!

— Maggie

*Living = Very much dead