Dear Maggie —

Let me start out by saying that I did read your last column AND I scrolled back up and read the entire newsletter.  So I’ve got all the info I need about Walk-A-Thon… except I’ve got one lingering question.  Does the school always reach its $20K fundraising goal and what happens if they don’t?  Does one teacher get voted off the island and get fired?  Do they stop buying toilet paper to save money?  Do they use child labor and make the 8th graders part of the maintenance team?  No electricity after noon?  Make 10 kids share one Chromebook?  Dear God, tell me they don’t resort to getting rid of Craisins at pizza lunch? ** Breathe, Peggy, breathe.**  Ok if I’m being honest, while I did go down that rabbit hole of disaster scenarios, the one thing I’m really worried might happen is that they will cut back on school hours in an attempt to cut costs!  If I have to ask my mother-in-law to pick my kids up early from another half day, I’m truly afraid of what that payback looks like!  Say it ain’t so Maggie!

— Panicked Peggy

Dear Panicked —

Girlfriend, you have got to calm down!  Have yourself a Xanax and listen closely… I’m going to give you a little history lesson and then I’ve got some exciting news.  

Back when SMOS was in its Mrs. Hesed Era, she used to incentivize the students to meet the $20K goal by offering them the Wednesday before Thanksgiving as a day off.  Mrs. Hesed was a brass tacks kind of lady, so there were certainly years when the goal wasn’t met and that day was NOT given off 😭. Every other school in St. Louis would be closed, and our students were still slogging through math on the day before Thanksgiving. There were even years when we got really close to meeting the goal, so some folks went to extremes to make it happen.  I’m not going to name names, but some staff members have been known to reach into their own purses to tip the scales because they wanted that day off so badly! 🤑 #GottaPrepForFortyGuests

For the last few years, there has been no incentive (honestly, that has been reflected in participation numbers 🙃).  So this year, when the administration started talking about how to get people to participate, someone did mention dangling an extra-day-off shaped carrot as a potential idea.  Don’t worry, I’ve got your back!  I kindly – but firmly – explained that the only bigger riot they’d see on campus next to removing Craisins for the pizza day menu would be the parents starting a minor revolution after a surprise day off was announced!  So, they went back to the drawing board – which brings me to the exciting news I mentioned earlier.  I am usually the one who is spreading news, but today I get to be the one reporting breaking news! #ThisIsSoExciting So, without further ado… AHEM.  Here ye, here ye…

If the school as a whole meets the $20k goal for Walk-A-Thon this year, Mr. Holley has agreed to allow each class to have an afternoon movie party in their classrooms where soft pretzels and other treats will be provided.  (As an ode to Mrs. Hesed, the movie parties, if awarded, will be scheduled the afternoon before Thanksgiving break begins, Tuesday, November 26.)

Now, I have spared you an entire day off, but I must be clear, if we do not meet our goal, Mr. Holley has said he will channel his inner Mrs Hesed and will not grant the movie parties. Please don’t make him say no; he HATES saying no! Plus, I don’t even want to be around when those kids are told they don’t get to watch Inside Out 2 for the 48th time while enjoying Pretzel Boys!

Alright Peggy, I hope this helps you find some inner peace.  I liked your breathing exercises, but sounds like you might need some more practice.  Why don’t you ask Mrs. Donovan for some recommendations for adult mindfulness classes because you can’t live like this Peg!  Or maybe just take a nice walk around Tower Grove Park… preferably on the morning of October 19th! 😜

— Maggie