Dear Maggie —

I am writing to do some simple fact-checking. My 7th grader was bribed convinced to volunteer at the upcoming SMOS Fish Fry. That fact alone is fairly suspicious, but he keeps talking about how it’s going to happen on Pi Day (AKA – 3.14, AKA – March 14th) and that everything is going to be in “pie” form. Pie decorations, pie-flavored drinks, all desserts will be pies, and fish pie will be the main course.  Now, most of those, albeit a bit strange, aren’t deal breakers for me, but that last one is a bit alarming!  I would consider you to be “hardcore” Scottish, so I wouldn’t put it past you to have convinced them to have fish pie, but I am REALLY hoping he’s got some of his facts wrong.  He also mentioned middle schoolers being able to throw pies in parents’ faces, which is where the wheels came off for me.  The idea of fish pie sends me running for the porcelain throne!  Clear this one up for me, Maggie, and please tell me I’m not going to have to eat fish pie (or even worse, haggis!) in a few weeks!

— Horrified Harriet

Dear Horrified —

I feel like I am having deja vu! My inbox is FILLED to the brim with questions about Fish Fry, and I looked back into the archives and saw that the same thing happened last year!  Everyone had questions about who was in charge?  Where do I go?  How much does it cost?  Yadda yadda yadda. 

Since misery loves company, I’m going to give you all deja vu and make you read last year’s column (it’s a good one, if I do say so myself!) to get all of those details. However, you’ve brought up a new question that I am happy to answer…

First of all, thanks for calling me “hardcore”. ☺️ I take that as a compliment!  Second, I absolutely, positively, 100% DID try to convince them to serve fish pie at the Fish Fry.  But the powers that be are not as “hardcore” as I am, and I got vetoed from every single direction!  You can rest easy knowing that you’ll be enjoying the traditional fare from the World Shaw Famous Feastie Boys.  As far as the pie decor and pie-flavored drinks, I am here to tell you that is also fake news!  Now, the pie desserts; that is 100% fact, and I for one think it’s brilliant!  Dana Garcia, you’ve really struck gold on that one!  Finally, kids being able to throw pie in parents’ faces… only time will tell on that one. 😬

I have done my duty and fact-checked a middle schooler, #LoveToDoIT, but I also need to do my duty in informing you that the SMOS Fish Fry will be listed in the Post-Dispatch this weekend, so you better buy your tickets now!  This event sells out every single year, and that was before it was listed publicly, so much like the other Garcia run event (read: Track), if you don’t sign up now, you’ll have to wait until next year to take a lap around the cafeteria for fish. 

Last, lastly if you read my column from last year (have you picked up yet on the fact that I REALLY want you to read the one from last year so I don’t have to do more work for this year!) – which I know you did – you got the 411 (or the 314 in this case!) that this is the best volunteer opportunity around so CLICK HERE to sign up!  What??  You didn’t really think this would end without a plug to sign up for something, did you?

— Maggie