At St. Margaret of Scotland, we celebrate the Day of the Dead in November – but according to one school Mom, her little guy is stoked for next week and what he calls the “Zombie Museum” day, which sounds equal parts terrifying and hilarious. What really goes on here? Let’s just say it involves history, costumes, and a bit more life than your average zombie crawl… and yes, Maggie has some long-standing grievances about being snubbed. 🧟‍♀️😏

King Malcolm is back, filling in while Maggie rubs elbows with a bunch of old spirits (not the bar kind). The newsletter is slim pickins’ this week, so instead of wasting words, he’s telling you: go enjoy life—or better yet, volunteer at the Fish Fry. Seriously, he says you need to show up, serve some fish, and pretend you’re a respectable adult. No excuses. Apparently, this is not a suggestion.

There’s something fishy going on in Maggie’s column this week. February is allegedly “quiet,” yet somehow we’re all one email away from unraveling — and boom, it’s Lent. Maggie’s suggestion for dealing with this Lenten chaos: aggressively scheduling your fish fry circuit across St. Louis — starting, of course, with the Feastie Boys at St. Margaret of Scotland. Repentance is holy, but so is fried cod and a well-organized spreadsheet.

After surviving Malcolm’s brief royal coup, Maggie has reclaimed her throne just in time to celebrate the holy matrimony of Valentine’s Day and Mardi Gras — because nothing says romance like queso, king cake, and questionable life choices before noon. As Lent looms, she’s embracing one last glitter-dusted sugar bender while Malcolm once again unknowingly bankrolls the king cake. Long live the queen — and pass the frosting.

Maggie has officially frozen solid, so King Malcolm (yes, that King Malcolm) has seized the quill to reassure everyone that nothing is wrong—there’s just a rare, blessed moment where nobody is emailing in a panic. After Catholic Schools Week, Trivia Night shenanigans, and a speedo sighting we can’t unsee, the school is enjoying a brief “breathing spell” before Lent, spring chaos, and Maggie’s annual transition from “too cold” to “too hot.” So relax, warm up, eat some queso, and breathe—Malcolm promises things will be dramatic again soon.

Torn between couch cocooning and socializing like a functional adult, a school mom wonders if braving the cold for Trivia Night is really worth it. Maggie, ever the voice of reason (and peer pressure), says yes—because costumes will be a piece of cake, the gym is giving off the warm and fuzzies these days (well, sort of), and nothing says “self-care” like loudly arguing about Tonya Harding for the kids.

You’d think that a little snowstorm in St. Louis would just be a chance to sip cocoa and enjoy some cozy downtime… but no! Apparently, the Weather Channel has declared an Arctic Armageddon, and our Maggie is here just in time to help SMOS families navigate the frozen terrain of Catholic Schools Week. Maggie’s got a top-ten list to review – but just remember: misery—and frostbite-induced humor—loves company!

You’d think that a nice vacation after a fun-filled holiday season would have been plenty of relaxation for Maggie to return in the New Year full of vim and vigor… but maybe it was just a bit TOO relaxing! Poor Maggie doesn’t even seem to know what day of the week it is – let alone that she had a column due today! So, if you’re feeling at all like Maggie, and need some help with the winter blues, then read on – if nothing else, misery loves company!

Yule never guess what this parent is asking Maggie about this cold, mid-December day? It’s the age-old SMOS question that comes around each year as often as ugly holiday sweaters – what the heck is a Christmas Gift Fund, and more importantly, is it worth my paying attention to the answer? Well, fear not, weary shoppers and perk up your ears – Maggie has not one… but ten reasons why it’s the best present you can give your favorite SMOS person this holiday season!

It’s the advent of, well… Advent – and that has Maggie feeling all of the joy, charity, and hope of the holiday season. She’s got a list of upcoming Advent activities sure to get you in the Christmas spirit – no strong-arm tactics here, just plenty of cheer to make you feel as boom-whacked as this week’s inquiring parent!

This week Maggie is getting all literary! Now before you get too shocked – you must know that it all revolves around a big party (of course it does!). Maggie is super excited for this year’s St. Margaret Holiday Market which benefits the School Library. And while she might not exactly be a bookworm, she is enough of a social butterfly to enjoy a good cocktail and some festive shopping all to help a good cause!

It’s Maggie’s Feast Day this weekend – and she is waaaay too busy to focus on anything other than Saturday night. So Paige is here once again to fill in for Ms. Mags and give us the skinny on the plans for this year’s annual fest – and why it’s such a BFD (Big Feast Day) for Maggie!

Maggie is, how shall we say, indisposed this week – and so her best friend, Bernie, is handling the column. And Bernie has a lot to say. In fact, she’s not just ‘bugged’ about the situation – she’s miffed! She has a nit to pick with the reason her plans were cancelled this weekend. Give her a break! (She deserves it.)

It’s feeling more like Groundhogs Day than Halloween to Maggie this week! That’s because she’s once again fielding the same questions from this dad about all-things spooky around SMOS for next week’s holiday. But don’t be scared… deja vu or not, Maggie is here to wash away all of this father’s fears – just rinse, and repeat!

This week, Maggie is trapped – and no, it’s not the due to the sidewalk construction around Shaw. She’s lost in Maggie’s Closet (trust us, we know the feeling!), and so it’s Paige to the rescue – literally – with some tips about how to declutter and what should and should not be considered “donations”. And if you can speak through the piles of clothing contributions, Maggie – call out if you can hear us! Are you trapped under something heavy?? We’re coming for you!!

Back in Maggie’s time, a showgirl was just someone whose tunic didn’t quite cover her ankles – and no one was really interested in their life (more likely, they were interested in the opposite, since bare talluses weren’t exactly looked on with approval). But that’s all changed – and Maggie is all about it! So much so, that she can’t get the song titles of Taylor Swift’s latest album out of her head long enough to answer a simple question about parent-teacher conferences. Here’s hoping this inquisitive parent is also a fan – or really enjoys playing “Name That Tune”.

Maggie is hot under the collar – literally – since she looked at the weather forecast to see that Summer decided to hang out for another few weeks and wreck her plans for a perfect Fall weekend in St. Louis this Saturday and Sunday. Now, she’s got way to much to do to get ready for the steamy days ahead, than to answer any questions this week – and if you’re not happy about that, then blame Steve Templeton, and better make it an iced pumpkin latte!

This week Maggie has a history lesson for all of you – and she’s here to help out a mom who wants to prance around the school in pearls – and what does all of this have to do with the Walk-A-Thon? Inquiring minds want to know!

Despite centuries of reported sightings and debunked misidentifications, this school mom claims to have definitive photographic evidence of the Loch Ness Monster – and on the school grounds, no less! But Maggie is here once again to set the record straight, and explain why she is braggin’ about this dragon.

Nothing to see here! It’s all normal! Just your average, run-of-the-mill, spiritly mascot going down for the count. Well, down maybe, but not out! Unless you count being out to lunch – of the liquid variety at Wild Olive! So, if you’re like Maggie, and only use the word “normal” with an “A-B” in front of it, then meet her at the corner of 39th and Flad – and preorder your 4-pack… for medicinal purposes only, of course.

Can we get some accountability around here?!? Maggie takes a look at the new behavioral management program at school – and helps out one Mom whose son learned a valuable (and hilarious!) lesson in payback. Better watch out – Maggie might be going around the school yard looking for some parents to cite if you’re not careful.

How do you know you’ve made the big time?!? Maggie found out first-hand this week when her email account started to overflow with SPAM (and not the delicious kind that comes out of a can). Though we’re not quite sure all of these salespeople know quite what it is that Maggie does around here!

She may not be Arnold Horshack, but we think we can hear the snort-laugh from here! Welcome back, Mister Kot-TAIR… er, we mean, Ms. Maggie! She’s back for another school year with all of the tips, snark, and pop culture she can muster. If only she could put down the remote.

Maggie says, “Peace out!” for this school year – but before she goes, she has some time-tested advice for a mom who is feeling testy due of the time, which is freeing up on her calendar this Summer. Maggie to the rescue for this camp-challenged caregiver whose Summer wish is to be more cool, calm, and collected.