When one St. Margaret dad botches Summer camp registration, the family descends into a chaotic patchwork of waitlists, random rendezvous, and “Camp Carol” desperation childcare. Thankfully, Maggie steps in with perspective, questionable medieval parenting memories, and tales from her new gig running a Florida senior citizen romance camp that’s basically Love Island with orthopedic shoes, walkers, and Metamucil.
8th Grade graduation season has arrived at SMOS, and one parent is convinced the Portfolio Breakfast actually has to do with Catholic Fashion Week. Maggie helps clarify and breaks down the emotional chaos unofficially known as “Hell Week,” including a mystery trip, ugly crying over breakfast casseroles, and why she might just start up a haute couture elective in Middle School next year!
Mrs. C. has a request from Maggie this week – well, really more of a plea in her hour of exhaustion. With Maggie “injured” (read: dramatically reclining and quoting ‘The Devil Wears Prada’), Paige steps in to rally parents to sign up for Field Day before the situation escalates. None of us is prepared for the measures Maggie will take if we don’t get enough volunteers.
This week, a concerned parent wonders if Chrissy Rogers has finally gone off the deep end after unveiling a Day of Service plan that feels – to put it mildly – “ambitious”. Maggie is here to reassure everyone that this is just Chrissy being Chrissy -miraculously pulling off the impossible every year – with Whit quietly following behind, fixing everything with power tools. Moral of the story: show up and help… or at least come witness the chaos unfold.
As the school year limps toward the finish line, children everywhere have apparently unionized against mornings, learning, and basic cooperation—leaving parents both exhausted and deeply grateful for teachers with the patience of saints. School Dad Gary wonders how to properly thank the educators bravely managing a daily classroom uprising. Maggie’s answer: perfect timing—there’s a whole week dedicated to it, and yes, snacks (and potentially margaritas) are involved.
In this week’s column, is it deja vu all over again, when a school mom who is still recovering from last year’s mysteriously vanished Family Dance, is hesitant to believe it’s real this time? Maggie confirms that yes, it’s happening—and encourages everyone to embrace the chaos, questionable snacks, and awkward dancing while it lasts.
When mysterious sewer warning signs pop up around St. Margaret of Scotland, it’s Maggie who bravely investigates the hard-hitting question: who, exactly, needed to be told not to swim, fish, or play in a sewer? Turns out the danger is real—but so is the concern that somewhere out there, someone thought “sewer field trip” sounded like a solid plan. Either way, rest easy: your parish is working tirelessly to keep you from your worst ideas.
At St. Margaret of Scotland, we celebrate the Day of the Dead in November – but according to one school Mom, her little guy is stoked for next week and what he calls the “Zombie Museum” day, which sounds equal parts terrifying and hilarious. What really goes on here? Let’s just say it involves history, costumes, and a bit more life than your average zombie crawl… and yes, Maggie has some long-standing grievances about being snubbed. 🧟♀️😏
King Malcolm is back, filling in while Maggie rubs elbows with a bunch of old spirits (not the bar kind). The newsletter is slim pickins’ this week, so instead of wasting words, he’s telling you: go enjoy life—or better yet, volunteer at the Fish Fry. Seriously, he says you need to show up, serve some fish, and pretend you’re a respectable adult. No excuses. Apparently, this is not a suggestion.
There’s something fishy going on in Maggie’s column this week. February is allegedly “quiet,” yet somehow we’re all one email away from unraveling — and boom, it’s Lent. Maggie’s suggestion for dealing with this Lenten chaos: aggressively scheduling your fish fry circuit across St. Louis — starting, of course, with the Feastie Boys at St. Margaret of Scotland. Repentance is holy, but so is fried cod and a well-organized spreadsheet.
After surviving Malcolm’s brief royal coup, Maggie has reclaimed her throne just in time to celebrate the holy matrimony of Valentine’s Day and Mardi Gras — because nothing says romance like queso, king cake, and questionable life choices before noon. As Lent looms, she’s embracing one last glitter-dusted sugar bender while Malcolm once again unknowingly bankrolls the king cake. Long live the queen — and pass the frosting.
Maggie has officially frozen solid, so King Malcolm (yes, that King Malcolm) has seized the quill to reassure everyone that nothing is wrong—there’s just a rare, blessed moment where nobody is emailing in a panic. After Catholic Schools Week, Trivia Night shenanigans, and a speedo sighting we can’t unsee, the school is enjoying a brief “breathing spell” before Lent, spring chaos, and Maggie’s annual transition from “too cold” to “too hot.” So relax, warm up, eat some queso, and breathe—Malcolm promises things will be dramatic again soon.
Torn between couch cocooning and socializing like a functional adult, a school mom wonders if braving the cold for Trivia Night is really worth it. Maggie, ever the voice of reason (and peer pressure), says yes—because costumes will be a piece of cake, the gym is giving off the warm and fuzzies these days (well, sort of), and nothing says “self-care” like loudly arguing about Tonya Harding for the kids.
You’d think that a little snowstorm in St. Louis would just be a chance to sip cocoa and enjoy some cozy downtime… but no! Apparently, the Weather Channel has declared an Arctic Armageddon, and our Maggie is here just in time to help SMOS families navigate the frozen terrain of Catholic Schools Week. Maggie’s got a top-ten list to review – but just remember: misery—and frostbite-induced humor—loves company!
You’d think that a nice vacation after a fun-filled holiday season would have been plenty of relaxation for Maggie to return in the New Year full of vim and vigor… but maybe it was just a bit TOO relaxing! Poor Maggie doesn’t even seem to know what day of the week it is – let alone that she had a column due today! So, if you’re feeling at all like Maggie, and need some help with the winter blues, then read on – if nothing else, misery loves company!
Yule never guess what this parent is asking Maggie about this cold, mid-December day? It’s the age-old SMOS question that comes around each year as often as ugly holiday sweaters – what the heck is a Christmas Gift Fund, and more importantly, is it worth my paying attention to the answer? Well, fear not, weary shoppers and perk up your ears – Maggie has not one… but ten reasons why it’s the best present you can give your favorite SMOS person this holiday season!
It’s the advent of, well… Advent – and that has Maggie feeling all of the joy, charity, and hope of the holiday season. She’s got a list of upcoming Advent activities sure to get you in the Christmas spirit – no strong-arm tactics here, just plenty of cheer to make you feel as boom-whacked as this week’s inquiring parent!
This week Maggie is getting all literary! Now before you get too shocked – you must know that it all revolves around a big party (of course it does!). Maggie is super excited for this year’s St. Margaret Holiday Market which benefits the School Library. And while she might not exactly be a bookworm, she is enough of a social butterfly to enjoy a good cocktail and some festive shopping all to help a good cause!
It’s Maggie’s Feast Day this weekend – and she is waaaay too busy to focus on anything other than Saturday night. So Paige is here once again to fill in for Ms. Mags and give us the skinny on the plans for this year’s annual fest – and why it’s such a BFD (Big Feast Day) for Maggie!
Maggie is, how shall we say, indisposed this week – and so her best friend, Bernie, is handling the column. And Bernie has a lot to say. In fact, she’s not just ‘bugged’ about the situation – she’s miffed! She has a nit to pick with the reason her plans were cancelled this weekend. Give her a break! (She deserves it.)