Dear Maggie —
I’m a relatively new parent at St. Margaret’s – I have two little ones in preschool, and my oldest is in first grade. Big fan, BTW! Anyway, because my kids are still little, I’m always curious when I see things about what happens in the older grades. And last week, an item caught my attention – a portfolio breakfast that the 8th Grade has with their parents. Immediately, my mind began racing. Like you, I too ran right out to see The Devil Wears Prada 2 last weekend (LOVED it!!), and so maybe that is why, but the word “portfolio” has my brain conjuring up ideas of the graduates presenting their Spring line. Does this have something to do with those cool electives the middle schoolers take – is there a mandatory fashion class all students have to complete before they can graduate? I’m dying to know – as you say, inquiring minds…
— Fashionista Felicity
Dear Fashionista –
First of all, welcome to the SMOS family (belatedly!). Three little ones under the age of seven? Bless you, my dear. You’re basically running a hostage negotiation operation with Goldfish crackers and tiny shoes. And thank you for the compliment. I do what I can for the people.
Love your haute couture brain power – I’m envious. Despite my love for Devil, I’m probably much more in sync with Kohl’s Mom, rather than TJ Maxx Fashionista. And as much as I hate to disappoint a fellow devotee, the 8th Grade Portfolio Breakfast is tragically lacking in haute couture. I wish I could say that we’re creating the next Coco Chanel here at SMOS, but alas, it is not true. There is no fashion elective (though, honestly, that’s a fabulous idea!). No one is strutting down a runway in linen neutrals while a teacher whispers, “Florals? For spring? Groundbreaking.” Though honestly, after some of the Spirit Wear combinations I’ve witnessed at the pickup line, the children do have vision.
The “portfolio” is actually a collection of student work from throughout their years at SMOS – all lovingly assembled into a sort of keepsake presentation for their parents – along with a speech each student makes talking about what they’ve learned in their years at St. Margaret’s and how it’s made them the person they are becoming. It’s beautiful, heartfelt, and guaranteed to make at least one parent ugly cry into their Starbucks egg bites. And frankly, after a decade of tuition payments, volunteer hours, and a myriad of $1 donations for dress-down days, those parents deserve a presentation. Personally, if my child didn’t stand up there with a slideshow, a violin solo, and at least three testimonials, I’d be asking for store credit.
And listen, girl, the Portfolio Breakfast is only one stop on what one unnamed middle school homeroom teacher refers to as “8th Grade Hell Week.” A phrase spoken with the same haunted expression veterans use when discussing combat. Four days of hot mess fueled by lots of group activities, high emotions, and teenage hormones!
It begins with the Mystery Trip – a full day of surprise activities around the city planned by parents. Personally, the words “mystery” and “teenagers on buses” together make me break out in hives. I need itineraries. I need emergency snacks. I need to know restroom proximity at all times. At my age, mystery should involve Matlock or Elsbeth – not fifty adolescents with energy drinks.
Then comes the Graduation Mass and the big dinner on Saturday night, where the students suddenly appear looking shockingly mature, and the parents spend the evening asking each other, “Wait… weren’t they just in second grade eating glue?” It’s emotional. It’s lovely. It’s also the closest some of those children will ever come to attending the Met Gala.
And then – poof – they’re gone. Released into the wild a full week before everyone else, like tiny Catholic butterflies with iPhones.
So sadly, no official fashion program exists at SMOS. Although after seeing some of the outfits those graduates are planning for the dinner, I will say this: somewhere, Miranda Priestly is either deeply impressed… or filing a restraining order. No, no. That’s all.
— Maggie
