Dearest Readers –
Well… it’s been one of those weeks, to put it mildly. I don’t have a proper questions-and-answers column for you this week, but I do have an excuse. A very good one, I might add. Whether you’ll agree remains to be seen.
I want to begin by sharing a different kind of email that I received last week. I’ll let the email speak for itself. (Although, naturally, I have a few things to add.)
Forwarded message
From: ‘Jasper Ipswich’ via Dear Maggie maggie@stmargaretstl.org
Date: Wed, Oct 7, 2026 at 11:40 AM
Subject: for Maggie
To: Maggie Ianachione maggie@stmargaretstl.org
Hey Maggie,
Thought this might be relevant as schools start mapping out next year’s PD. More schools are seeing students with ADHD who need extra support, while teachers are already balancing a full classroom.
Our Executive Function workshops are research-backed and built by educators with 20+ years of experience, giving teachers practical ways to better support students with ADHD. Schools can reserve next year’s workshops now without an upfront payment, and invoicing can be set up around the way your school or district manages its budget. Worth a look at the ADHD-focused workshops and how the booking process works?
Cheers and have an amazing day,
Jasper Ipswich
Now, I’ll start by saying that if Jasper Ipswich is this person’s actual name, then it’s one of the best I’ve ever come across. Even as a nom de plume, it’s top-notch. I usually go by Bunny Funkhauser when checking into hotels or ordering at Starbucks, but I may have to upgrade to Jasper Ipswich. It has a certain ring to it.
And where they got “Ianachione” for my last name, I’ll never know. Honestly. Everyone knows my surname is O’Scotland. Do try to keep up.
But moving on, I have one question: WHO AROUND HERE RATTED ME OUT?! I find it very interesting that I’m the only person at SMOS who received an email about Executive Function workshops. Very interesting indeed.
I mean, I juggle quite a lot on a weekly basis. I don’t mean to toot my own horn (oh, who am I kidding? Of course I do!), but I consider myself quite accomplished in the multitasking department. The fact that I occasionally forget what I was multitasking for is beside the point.
In fact, just this week, while bingeing old episodes of House Hunters, I’ve been seeing all these commercials about how to deal with things you’ve been hoarding – sorry, saving – in your closet. And I thought, “That’s what I need: a side hustle!”
So I downloaded Vinted to sell off half the stuff in my closet. After more than a thousand years, you can imagine the inventory. It seemed like a great plan, even if all that work might net me a whopping $12 for an old handbag.
There was just one problem. No matter how many pictures I took, I couldn’t get the items to show up.
Duh. Spirits don’t photograph. Apparently, neither does their wardrobe.
Undeterred, I moved on to opening an Etsy shop. Turns out I already had a login—who knew? Apparently, during COVID, I’d started setting up a shop selling face masks with pictures of saints on them. And then, presumably, I got distracted and wandered off.
The shop was never finished. Which is probably just as well. Who wants cloth face masks now? We all went through that phase before discovering that the N95 was the gold standard. So much for my entrepreneurial comeback.
But by this time (at least five minutes had passed!), I decided Etsy was a little passé for my hip crowd. What I really needed was my own curated Amazon shop. Influencers are doing it, and I see no reason why I shouldn’t join their ranks.
I was thinking of starting with hair-care implements under the brand name “Holy Rollers”. Brilliant, if I do say so myself. Naturally, I needed to trademark it immediately.
So I Googled trademarks and discovered I could file one online. Excellent! Except I needed a Social Security number. So I contacted the Social Security Administration, which apparently requires a copy of my birth certificate. I’m still waiting for a call back from my local parish in Scotland while they search the records. Naturally.
And since I had to sit by the phone anyway, I figured it was the perfect time to catch up on Ted Lasso. I mean, I couldn’t just sit there doing nothing. I’m a master of many things!
Being the accomplished multitasker that I am, I was also checking my emails while I watched – WHICH is where I came across this email trying to sell me tools to handle ADHD.
And so, you see, I simply lost track of time. I had so much going on that I forgot to look through the rest of my emails and file a column for this week. I meant to, of course, but it’s hardly my fault that something shiny kept popping up in front of me.
And as for my executive-function skills, let’s leave those alone. Clearly, I’m the LAST person who could possibly benefit from these workshops! Jasper, if you’re reading this, please remove me from your mailing list. I have things under control.
Now, where was I? Oh, right. I need to trademark Holy Rollers before someone steals my idea.
– Maggie
